


For the Better

by PokeChan



Category: Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Sleepy Cuddles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-01
Updated: 2015-03-01
Packaged: 2018-03-15 21:03:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,601
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3461933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PokeChan/pseuds/PokeChan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fai liked to tell himself that the things he did or didn't do were for the better in the long run. He wished he was a better liar.</p>
            </blockquote>





	For the Better

**Author's Note:**

> I'm just trying to crawl out of this writing funk I'm in. Take this. I thought about it when I woke up this morning and wanted cuddles.

It was so cold and he was numb. Fai hadn’t felt so cold since... since before he’d been Fai. It was the sort of cold that seeped through clothing and straight to your bones, froze your very heart and soul. It didn’t grant you the sting of harsh winds that could make you feel like you were still alive -- that could make you _feel_. This cold only granted numbness. Fai had thought this cold had died along with Valeria, he thought he would never have to feel it again. He wanted to run, surely there would be no walls this time, those walls had crumbled so many ages ago, but the cold kept his body from moving, turning him slowly to ice. He had to run, he had to keep moving _he had to_ -

He woke with a start and a sharp intake of breath, warm air filled his lungs and he fought the urge to scream. Slowly his surroundings came back to him. He was no longer in Valeria, he wasn’t even in Celes anymore. He was traveling. He was on a mission. 

Fai sighed and sat himself up a little bit and looked around. They’d set up camp in a shaded little glen since the weather had been warm and the skies clear. The children had been fascinated with the odd looking trees and hadn't wanted to stray from them quite yet. He could see the tiny mounds of cloaks and blankets that were Syaoran and Sakura, could hear Mokona’s little snores from the same area. 

Pleased that he hadn’t woken them Fai curled in on himself. One hand went to his hair, his fingers combed through it thoughtlessly while he wrapped his other arm around himself, stroking gently wherever it landed. It was a habit he’d never gotten rid of. When he was little it had been his brother’s small hands rubbing soothing circles on his back, but he was alone now, had been for a very long time, and he did his best to take care of himself. Physical comfort was almost an alien idea to him for how long it had been since he’d had any, but Fai just couldn’t bring himself to stop wanting it. He'd heard the term touch starved somewhere before and he'd thought it fitting. He'd been starved in so many ways, why not add one more.

He wasn’t sure if it was his own current, messy state of mind or if it was just Kurogane’s ninja skills showing, but Fai hadn’t heard him move until there was a hand on his shoulder, prompting a small and undignified yelp. Kurogane shushed him before pushing Fai forward enough so that he could settle himself behind him. 

Before Fai could protest, or even ask what Kurogane was doing, there were lips at his ear and a low, growling voice saying in his ear “Be quiet or you’ll wake the kids.”

There was a bit more shifting, probably Kurogane making himself comfortable. “Kuro-rin, what…”

Without words one of Kurogane’s hands took the hand that had still been in Fai’s hair and pulled it away. Kurogane’s own hand replaced it, warm and large and surprisingly gentle as his fingers followed what he must have seen Fai’s doing and running through wispy strands. His other arm wrapped itself around Fai’s torso, effectively pinning both of Fai’s arms. “Kuro-sama,” Fai started, but he only got shushed.

“This sort of thing usually helps more if it’s another person doing it,” Kurogane said. Fai could feel the low rumble of his voice in Kurogane’s chest where it was pressed against Fai’s back and the way his quiet voice growled just behind Fai sent warmth through his body. “I’m not going to ask what you dreamt about, but I’ll listen if you want.”

When Fai silently settled back against Kurogane’s chest and let the ninja pet him without explanation no one was surprised. 

Kurogane was right, Fai thought, this was a lot better when it was someone else’s hand in his hair and warm on his arms. They were quiet for a while, Kurogane wordlessly, almost idly, playing with Fai’s hair, Fai letting himself calm down and focusing on the warmth surrounding his body, trying in vain to chase away the memories of ice and snow. 

"You know," Kurogane said, his voice quiet as to not wake the sleeping kids. "I noticed your nightmares back then, in Yama, too. You didn't understand enough of my language for me to be able to explain myself if I did this though."

Fai turned his head enough to peer up at Kurogane though his bangs. "Why are you telling me this?" he didn't understand what that had to do with anything right now.

"Because I want you to know I wasn't being cold back then, or that-" Kurogane let out a frustrated sigh. "I'm just explaining myself now, alright?"

"Okay," Fai said and leaned into the touch of knuckles running along his jaw before going back up into his hair. Words weren't their thing anyway to be honest.

It wasn’t until tonight that Fai had realized how much closer he and Kurogane had gotten. Between all their months traveling together and fighting at each other’s backs and those long months alone together in Yama he should have guessed. Still, to think of Kurogane like this, soft and open and caring, especially in relation to Fai himself, was an odd thought. There was something about the picture of it in his head that didn’t seem to quite match up somehow. He still had this imagine of a surly, cold shouldered, and belligerent child that he had met at the witch’s shop and Fai could hardly believe that this kind, comforting, protective man was the same person.

There was a part of Fai that wanted to ask why Kurogane was doing this. He wanted to know why this man, usually so hard and standoffish, was offering him soft kindness, but he couldn’t force the words past the lump in his throat. It was for the best, really, that he didn’t know. There was no answer Kurogane could give that wouldn’t be terrible in some way.

Fai must have relaxed enough in Kurogane’ embrace that Kurogane thought he was asleep because all of a sudden there was a gentle kiss to the top of Fai’s head followed by soft words whispered into his hair. “When are you going to realize you’re not alone?”

For a moment Fai deliberated on whether or not he should continue feigning sleep or not, but it wasn’t as if he had anything he could respond with. How could Kurogane understand how truly alone Fai actually was? It was no fault of Kurogane’s that he didn’t understand, he didn’t know where Fai came from, the horrors he’d lived through and the things he’d done. What he chose to do instead was indulge the both of them.

Kurogane’s hand had been resting on top of Fai’s and with slow, precise movements Fai threaded their fingers together, curling his own over Kurogane’s larger ones and holding them, a silent request to stay for a little bit longer. He did. Kurogane stayed and Fai finally did drift back to sleep, blessedly dreamless, with Kurogane warm at his back.

\--

Fai woke up to warm sun and laughter and with no one’s chest pressed against his back, which didn’t surprise him in the least. It was for the best anyway. He had no idea what he’d tell the children if they had found the pair of them in the same position they’d been in last night.

Syaoran and Sakura were awake, still droopy eyed and stumbling with sleep, but they were laughing and excitedly gesturing up into the sky where millions of butterflies were taking flight all at once. The colorful swarms were quite a sight as they climbed higher into the sky, it seemed like they’d never end. 

“Oh Fai’s awake!” Mokona chirped from Kurogane’s shoulder. She bounced over to him for a quick good morning nuzzle. “Look look! We woke up and all of these butterflies started flying everywhere!”

Bursting with energy Mokona made her way over to Syaoran and Sakura to hop from one to the other. “I had no idea those hadn’t been leaves on the trees!” Syaoran exclaimed.

Fai smiled over at them, at how easy it was to brighten up their day. He tried not to think about what was in store for them all. 

“Sleep alright?” Kurogane asked, coming to stand next to Fai.

“Mm, yes,” he said, giving Kurogane a smile. “Thank you.”

Kurogane didn’t respond to that, just let his eyes go from Fai’s face over to the children, who were wholly absorbed in the spectacle before them. Fai didn’t stop to think about what he was doing. He reached up, laying his hand on the back of Kurogane’s neck and pulling the warrior down, allowing a stray thought about how amazing it was that Kurogane went along with it. Standing on the balls of his feet he ghosted his lips against Kurogane’s cheek before stepping back out of Kurogane’s personal space. 

“I wish things were simpler,” Fai said and turned back and headed towards the kids.

Kurogane might have said “Things could be” but his voice was quiet and Fai didn’t stop to show that he had heard. It was for the better.

That was what he kept telling himself day in and day out. It was all for the better. He wasn’t sure for whose betterment anymore though and he was scared to try and find out.

**Author's Note:**

> Monarch butterflies man.


End file.
